MEATOTOMY ZINE

This Judd's for You : Wynnona Shines On
By : Mz. H

Many of you are familiar with cell phones - we are all becoming slaves to technology. Many celebrities endorse products like cell phones - it's normal. One celebrity however has taken their personal endorsement a little too far.

The latest celebrity endorsement turned sour - the latest since Wheaties'n' Michael Phelps - is the frantic backlash from users of the LG Shine cell phone. The current celebrity named behind the game is Wynnona Judd - the newest face of the LG Shine cell phone.

"I pile on so much make up and gunk to hide my obvious weight gain and subsequent alcoholism I just 'shine', regardless!", the dis placed country crooner crowed recently. "I offer my personal services to people because lets face it, since 'The Judds', I ain't had much else going on. I need to know I am personally touching people with my message - 'SHINE ON'!", Judd stated recently.

For a nominal fee Judd will personally offer her shiny face as your new cell phone as part of a recent contract with LG Shine cell phones - most recently whored out by Lauren Conrad of "The Hills" & "Laguna Beach" fame. Conrad recently commented "They tried to do a cross-advertisement between me and Ms. Judd but...well...it was weird. She showed up unexpectantly one day and just ate EVERYTHING! All of my Twinkies, Ding Dongs, whole sticks of butter, chips - you name it and that cow crammed it into her piehole. I mean - my cupboards are fucking BARE now! She even emptied the expired can of pig's brains I kept forgetting to throw out over raw linguini noodles - she couldn't even wait to cook stuff. Then I tried to call my latest boy candy on my state of the art Shine cell phone and she yanked it outta my manicured hands. Then Ms. Judd was all like 'Just talk into my face! I'm your new cell phone!', but I was faced on Shirley Temples. So I said 'Bitch - your face ain't a phone!' and she backed down like a little bitch!".

Judd's spokespeople could not be reached for comment.